Is this normal in Belgium?

[Viking girl]

Hi Stace,

My husband started beating me in October 2010 until September 2011. That's when I went away for some weeks because I could not take any hit anymore and I was also too afraid to talk to the police. I came back In November 2011 and tried to live with my ex again, but the violence continued. In January 2012 I finally collected all my courage and went to the police and direct to the vluchthuis. The court hearing was in the spring time 2012 and the decision from vredegerecht in June 2012. So, it has been two years now and nobody helped me. I went to CAW and had several different lawyers.

I already spoke to one journalist. In that certain magazine she told me that usually they do not make stories about divorce etc. because there are always two sides on the story. I understand that, but they should publish definitely about the stupidity of the authorities here. Like in my case, the judge did not make any investigation, she just believed everything my charming ex said.

[Scorpio]

I am so sorry that you had to go through this... You should have asked to move with your children to Scandinavia, claiming that it is a better environment to raise kids, with the support of your own family, and better job opportunities as a single mom. Most likely you would have been granted to leave... One of my best friends, moved to Norway to be with her partner, and took her child with. I moved from France to Belgium to get away from an abusive husband, and also had the agreement of the French court, due to the young age of the children and moving back to my own country to be near my family. Of course, this is too late for you now. But you can still ask for a social enquête to be done. Social services will do a research to see how the children live with their father, how he takes care of them and so on. They will do the same at your house. This could be positive for you. Belgian family court is weird. When I talk to my friend in Norway now, it is obvious how much more socially advanced the Nordic countries are, on every level. Not only child care & welfare, but also more help for single parents, better guidance in the job market, ... I have been back in Belgium for 13 years now, and I hate every year of it. I just wait till my kids graduate, and I'll be gone again. If you'd like to meet & talk, you can send me a message. Take care.

[Viking girl]

The story continues...

As I wrote in my 3rd message here that we are now indeed in the middle of the social enquête I just had my last meeting with them and the result is that they will recommend a Juvenile court to make a decision of children being on a week-week basis with both parents.

They had been in contact with the schools and from 2 different schools they had the feedback that children are dirty, in dirty clothes and they are also stinking. That's how papa is taking care of them. They also told the social that father never read or react to little book children have in their school bag and he has no contact at all with the school and never visits parent's meetings.

In this time that I have been separated from my children, I have been in constant contact with the schools. Even our 15 yrs old daughter who is against me, even for her I have been the one looking for help for her problems while her dad did not try to find any help or do anything at all for her.

In this 2 years my ex has not been taking our handicap daughter to see a specialist doctor/s not even once. She needs to see them at least every 6 months, because of her eyes and teeth not developing normal and other issues as well. According to social lady that is not so bad or serious at all. Even though international children's human's righta law states very clearly that it is one of the basic children's human rights to have the best possible health care, and it also states that handicap children have right to have a specal health care. All that is stated here:

http://www.kinderrechtencommissariaat.b ... taling.pdf" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Apparently Belgian authorities do not care about international laws, as breaking them is no big deal in their opinion.

Also one of the basic children's human rights is to have right to be taken care of in every way, meaning also regarding the hygieny.

They told me that they cannot just turn the decision straight into other way, so that kids would see their father on weekends and stay mostly with me. They said that such would be done only in very extreme situations. According to them this situation is not such.

School had also told them that my little daughter does not speak about her father at all in the school, but that she speaks about me all the time. My little daughter also told the social lady that she cries in the evenings at her father's home when she goes to sleep, because she is missing me. The social lady told me that she had also told her that she wants to live with both parents, which I doubt, because why then she tells me all the time that she does not want to go to her father...

[Viking girl]

The situation is complicated as I do have a problem with my 15 yrs old daughter and also now she had spoken more or less against me. Originally she got angry and hurt, because I went to my country of origin for those few weeks to save my life. I totally understand that it must have been very difficult, but the option was that she would continue watching her father beating me every day. She also came there for one week to stay with me while here was Herfstvakantie so that she was able to travel.

After I returned in Belgium and I have explained everything. I was in vluchthuis then with the youngest one. After leaving from there kids were with me and with my ex also, and we were waiting to go to the court for the 1st time. Meanwhile one week that kids were with my ex, he had gone travelling with his woman and left kids alone for 5 days with no food and in a very dirty home. I do not understand why he did not call me and ask that kids come to my place. The 2nd day of their father travelling this 15 yrs old daughter was calling me all the time and crying on the phone. I told her to give phone to her dad, I wanted to know what's going on. She told me all the time that father is working in the garden. Finally in the evening she told me that they were all alone. I went there immediately and was shocked of what I saw.

Children's beds were completely wet from urine, there was no food in the fridge and the house was so dirty as a house of some drug users. I filmed everything on a video and I also called 2 my friends to come there to see what was going on. Later on my friends wrote proofs to the court of what they saw. My daughter of 15 yrs started crying hysterically that I cannot tell anyone, that her dad told her not to tell anyone that he had left them alone. He lied in the court that he had asked one neighbour to check on kids, and that's exactly what my daughter also lied in the court. She said that they were never left alone and that there was food and that neighbours were watching over them. That neighbour even wrote such letter to the court. However, when I came to the house kids had been already 2 days in horrible conditions and not a single visit from neighbour.

From that moment my daughter of 15 yrs old has been angry with me, because I am revealing her father's secrets. Her father always tells her, that his happinessa depends on her and he is very skilled in brainwashing her.

Vredegerech judge said in the first trial, that I have no right to talk about their father leaving them alone, because myself I went also to my country at one point. I told her that yes, I went there to stay alive and I did not leave kids alone, but with their father who had been a normal father until that time.

Now, my 15 yrs old daughter has been living with her dad for two years, in which she started cutting herself with the knife and to talk about suicide. When I found out I took photos of her as she had cut all her upper leg with the knife. I also contacted her school and I forced my daughter to go to talk to a unit where they help young people. Her father did nothing, he also did not know about it at all and even afterward when he found out he did nothing at all to help our daughter. My daughter does not want to cause any worry to her father, because she does not want to make him sad.

I gave the photograps to my lawyer, because I needed to prove that my daughter is not well while living with the father and also because I was so worried that she would eventually commit a suicide as cutting oneself is a serious sign of it. Now, the social lady told me that I have done wrong. I should not expose photos of my daughter wearing somewaht 'shortama' in the court. I answered the social lady that my daughter could not wear jeans in the photo, because it is her upper leg. The social told me that it was better that I did not try to prove it at all, because of that now I have lost my daughter. She said that I have lost her trust and all.

However, when she had been talking with my daughter it was clear that my daughter had told her that she still wants to see me on weekends and holidays. So, she does not hate me or anything like that.

The social also gave me negative feedback that I have exposed some of her facebook conversations with me. That my daughter has no privacy and she asked me how would I have felt if my mom would have been reading my diary when I was young. I answered her that if I was suicidial I would have very well understand my mom interfere. I asked the social lady how she would have felt in the age of 3 years to be separated from her mother. No reaction of course to that my question.

[Simbad]

Viking Girl,

According to the defintion given here : http://nl.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antisocial ... dsstoornis" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false; (sorry, it's in Dutch, I hope you can read it) your ex is a psychopath. Psychopatism is hereditary, so that can be the reason why your oldest daughter lies.

Psychopaths have also the gift to manipulate people and being very charismatic. According to the study of a British psychologist, Kevin Dutton, (http://www.jobat.be/nl/artikels/10-jobs ... ychopaten/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;) Lawyers are the second most vulnerable to this disease. As of my experience ( I consider my ex and her lawyer being psychopats as well) psychopats understand each other very well and have the same goal : leaving a path of destroy behind them...

Please do not think this way of behaviour is typical Belgian. If you read this http://www.gva.be/nieuws/in-de-rand/aid ... enman.aspx" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false; or this : http://nl.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heather_Mills" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false; you will discover disgusting decisions are not a privilige of Belgian lawyers.

Nevertheless I feel your pain. My oldest son refuses to contact me and my family, thanks to the manipulations of his mother. My youngest son suffers severely from the divorce and has since then learning problems.

Hope you will survive this, but until psychopatism is recognized and considered as a dangerous disease, no legal system will help you, I'm afraid.

Kind regards,
Simbad

[Viking girl]

Thank you Simbad for your reaction.

True, I know that the system will not help me. Social assistants and even judges seem to be buying all the stories coming from them psychopaths. As known they can be very charming and convincing, just like in the case of my ex-husband. However, it surprises me because in my case I do have proofs from the doctor, that I was a victim of a severe domestic violence, but Belgian authorities have ignored that completely.

I just spent a lovely long weekend with my kids and my oldest daughter told me by herself that during the social enquete she was indeed under a great pressure and that she would actually like to spend more time with me. I already told that before to the social lady, but she told me that my daughter is not making any lies and that I must stop accusing my ex for pressuring of our daughter. She was actually very angry when telling me so, and she told me that I should not say another word about him pressuring our daughter.

I'm sorry, but really makes me wonder the intellectual level of such a social assistant. How blind can they be, amazing.

Next week we will have a new decision then. Too bad for my eldest daughter, because she already told the social assistant what her father told her to tell. I told my daughter that she could still send an e-mail to the judge or the social assistant, but my daughter is too scared to do so. Too much pressure from her father. Oops, I said it again...

Myself I do not have anymore energy to fight back these sensless decisions, but I wonder what my little daughter will say when she grows up and will understand that she was separated from her mother in the age of 3 years without any valid reason. I think she will demand answers from the Belgian authorities, I know I would. Once again, I can't even imagine a situation where I would have been separated from my mother in that sensitive age.

Now in the weekend my ex let the kids to spend 3 nights with me instead of the usual 2, and my little princess was the happiest girl on earth because of that. She wakes up usually in the middle of the night and after that she comes to my bed and after that she actually tells me half-sleeping several times during the night that she loves me so much. In the morning when she wakes up she caresses my face and tells me 'Mom you are so beautiful and I love you so much' Also during the day she tells me about 20 times in total (every day that she is with me) how much she misses me.

I know all about the learning problems you mentioned Simbad, all my kids have that now. Also, they have to go to school speaking a strange language for them, Dutch, which certainly does not make it any easier that they cannot express themselves with their mother tonque (my language).

[Viking girl]

Very interesting and very extremely sad. I just received a phone call from my oldest daughter's school. They told me that my daughter is not well at all. I have met the school staff several times as I was keen and active keeping contact with them. My ex met them for the first time in March 2014, and on that meeting he promised to seek for a psychological help for our daughter as it was asked by the school.

It has been 3 months from that meeting and 'leerlingenbegeleidster' told me today, that my ex has not done anything to find help for our daughter, not even a regular doctor let alone a psychologist. She also told me that she is calling me because they are so worried at school.

She also told me that my daughter had told her, that the relationship between her and me is very good now. That is very good news, but like I said before, too bad for her she had to tell the opposite during social enquete.

I already told here earlier that we have also a handicap daughter, who needs regular visits to specialist doctors and in these 2 years that children have been living with my ex, she did not have even one visit for such a doctor.

How is possible, that the social assistant did not see that as any serious matter? I am afraid that now the issue with my oldest daughter is the same. They just don't care that my ex lies how he will seeks for help and he does nothing. He actually denies that our kids have any problems.

International children's human's right law article 24 states that children have right for medical care, the best possible care available. Article 23 states that handicap children have right for special medical care.

http://www.kinderrechtencommissariaat.b ... taling.pdf" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

How is possible that the social assistant and the judge ignore these basic human rights?

[Franciscus]

Do you have a lawyer her in Belgium?

[Viking girl]

Hi Franciscus,

Yes I do have already a 4th lawyer now. In one of my messages I wrote that one of my previous lawyers got a warnig from Strafhouder, for not doing her job i.e ignoring my contact attemps and because of her the procedure was delayded with more than 6 months. However, she sent me a bill of 950 euros immediately when I changed a lawyer.

My current lawyer, I sent him some e-mails one month ago and have been trying to reach him by phone many times. Finally managed to reach him yesterday, he told me on the phone that he saw my mails suddenly just yesterday during the phone call...yeah right, like he never checks his mail...

If someone here knows a good and trustable (not sure if that exists) lawyer in the Flemish-Brabant area, I would be very pleased to have that lawyers name.